PTO Today

From reading other postings it seems we are experiencing a common problem, that is, a very controlling principal.
We have found over the past several months that our new principal (new to our school, but was an asst. principal at previous school) is a huge control freak. Time and again we have tried to work with her but it seems that she is all for "changing things" because that is how they did it at "that school" or this is how other PTOs do it. She has tried to get us to completely change prevously scheduled events or change the format. She tries to tell us how to spend our money that is alloted for events (for instance our Veteran's Day Ceremony) and now is on the "maybe the by-laws need to be revisited" kick. Our by-laws have been in place for many years and have worked well. Just yesterday she wanted us to change an event to a later month to fit the needs of a committee she formed as well as change our end-year-event to also fit into the needs of that committee. She was told no less that 8 different times that we were not going to change the event. Then she had the nerve to ask the PTO to sponsor the events for the other committee. she also wants a position on the auditing committee, which according to our by-laws she is not allowed to do.
Just today we found out that she is recruiting people to run for treasurer for next year.
My questions are this: 1) How do we make this woman understand that she is not the PTO nor does she have the control that she is trying very hard to gain? 2) Is there some sort of mediator we could get to help us. Doubtful that the School Board would be interested in helping if it doesn't fit into their "agenda".
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

It's amazing how much people don't realize when they shake a snow globe it's realy not always for the better!

[b]1) How do we make this woman understand that she is not the PTO nor does she have the control that she is trying very hard to gain?[/b]
You will probably not [i]make her[/i]understand that she is not [b]THE[/b] PTO but is there any chance to have a new meet and greet with thsi new principal to talk about what it is your PTO does and what her former PTO did? Call me crazy (I can take it) but not knowing more than what your sharing, I'm wondering if a informal sit-down would help with this. We met with our new director shortly after he started and we totally lucked out as his former school was a correctional institution! Don't get me wrong, our discussion was needed as he assumed we raised thousands and did more. It was great though to have everythignon the table right away so we knew and he knew where the PTO was helping and how we would love to do more.
[b]2) Is there some sort of mediator we could get to help us. Doubtful that the School Board would be interested in helping if it doesn't fit into their "agenda".[/b] I don't think you need the School Board, in essence that's going to her boss and are you really wanting to do that yet? Now unless there is one person on the Board that serves your area that would be willing to talk with you and mediate that might help. Otherwise I know our district in burbia Denver offers someone to help with complaints but again you are really on your own.

You two really havea common goal here. You are both wanting this school to be the best school it can be, she's just trying so hard to be the best SHE can be at a new job. Just a different view and I think if I could be "Big Bird" here (my fav!) I think he would agree.

Please totally beat the feathers outta me if I am way off here but I don't think this is worth losing a job over.

Thank you for your input. We really appreciate any help we can get. We have tried to sit down with her and tallk things out, but she is very much in the mindset of "that's how they did it at blankiety blank school" or my last school did it like this." It seems that no amount of talking seems to permeate with her. Not to toot our own horns, but of all the schools in our district (at least 10) we are rated the best overall, encompassing grades, PTO, parent involment and teachers. Our PTO has won awards in the past several years for being one of the best. She, unfortunately came from a school in the same district that has a different parent base and therefore different or less involvement.
Also, to compound the issue is the fact that, initially, she was to be an interim principal until ours came back from maternity leave. Somewhere along the line that all changed. The problem that we face with her is that no matter how many informal sitdowns we have with her, she tends to say one thing but when we are in an official meeting she says something totally different. Very underhanded and sneaky the way she tries to "back door" things around us then says "she didn't know".

It sounds to me that your principal is coming up with ideas/solutions to things she has to deal with and coming to your group for help. Even though what she is asking you to do borders on unreasonable, from the language in your post, is does not sound like she is forcing anything anywhere. If you have strong leaders, noone is going to force the group to do anything.

I wouldn't worry so much about all the referencing to the old school. If that's where her experience is, of course that is her point of reference. Personally, I like to hear what works in other places and I like to hear ideas. I'd just try and be clear that we already have 'our way' at this school and that we won't just change on a whim.

Revisiting bylaws is a good idea from time to time. One person can't change them, so how can it hurt to discuss the bylaws with the principal? Her ideas may be good and make your bylaws stronger. You would also find out pretty quickly if there was a hidden agenda.

I hope our principal recruits all of our officers for next year. I am dreading election time as I am afraid noone will come forward again. I see nothing wrong with that part. If she really is underhanded and thinks she is getting a buddy to write checks for whatever she wants, if your processes are sound, that will not happen.

I don't know why you'd need a mediator. Just stick to your guns but also be willing to listen to her new perspective.

I see the recruiting of the treasurer a little differently than does Cape Dad...I'm afraid she's using that to gain financial control. And depending on your bylaws and financial prcedures, she could do it. Maybe that's why she wants to revise the bylaws.

You've got to find some way to appease her or she can make things very difficult for you. I think I would try to find something to give her, or give in on something she wants that is more important to her than it is to you. That way you have the appearance of compromising (and really, you ARE compromising)and when she wants something again, you can say, "Well, we did give you money for this or changed the date for that because you wanted it that way." It gives you a little leverage. Don't give her more control than you're comfortable with, put give her some input and feeling of control.

Again, thank you all for your input. I also agree with writermom that she is trying to gain financial control. As an update to the story, she is "strongly encouraging" the teachers to remind kids to have their parents come to our next general meeting, presumably to stack the cards in her favor. She has also gone so far as to tell the teachers that we have denied her access to the books (very untrue) and therefore everyone is now assuming that we are having "financial difficulties" and trying to hide it.

Unfortunately, there is no way to appease her without becoming "YES-MEN" which is what she wants. It is the feeling of the entire group that she would like this to be the Principal's Organization and not the PTO! While we have given in to some of her requests (demands) we are not willing to give in to anymore as it goes against our ideals as a group.

The final straw came today when one of the officers found a flyer from "The PTO" encouraging parents to attend. Only problem is that it didn't come from the PTO and I know this because I am the elected Corresponding Sec. or, if you will, the self proclaimed "Flyer Bitch". Therefore, if I didn't make it, it didn't come from the PTO! Some poor teacher is being made the fall guy for this one.

Sorry if it sounds like I am doing nothing but complaining, but I actually need to just "download it". Thanks all for listening.

I wonder what she was like at the other school? You know? What was so great about that PTO that your PTO should go that way with your ideas etc. Just my brain working OT.

Are you able to send parents an e-mail? That would be a great way to send a message to parents "the rest of the story"....or let it be. Not sure what I would do but I would be needed a punching bag right now!

We also wonder what she was like at the "other school". All we do know is that she was the Asst. Principal and no one is willing to talk. Believe me our minds have been working OT too, for several months to make sense of this. But hey, that's okay.

We did send a letter today to the Superintendant and Asst Sup. as well as the teachers, as it is the PTO. Some of the teachers were not happy, because they feel it should be handled "privately" but what they fail to realize is that we are simply putting the facts and documentation out there.
Copies of the letter were sent to the "members in good standing" that we had email for. Now its just a waiting game to get replies from the people who count. Unfortunately, when she made her remarks about the books public opinion has been set in the minds of people and no amount of talk or letter writing can change someone's opinion no matter what. Hopefullly things will go the way they should, the way of the PTO. Waiting is the hardest part! Going to find my punching bag now!

Thanks for your thoughts.

I hate to use the phrase "been there -done that" but I have been in your shoes for another issue a few years ago.

The best you can do is keep it honest and real with your members and keep them informed!

Now the question to think about as you are practicing your left hook is do you remind her that this is XYZ school and you (YOU) have been there for x years. I don't mind hearing new ideas and love them but I don't think you want me to tell you how to run the school so can you respect the job I have been doing for this school? Or something like that.....

The best I can leave you with is YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

Keep your fingers crossed for us. We are having the "big pow-wow" Thursday with the Principal, PTO Board, Superintendant, Asst. Superintendant and a mediator. We have also asked the School District Financial person to look at our books so that we don't have to endure them asking for or demanding them. Looks better for us if we offer them up despite the fact that we know they are all in order.