PTO Today

I have been elected President this year and have served on the PTO Board for the last 3 years. I need help to how to handle a volunteer who is always gossiping and spreading rumors. I think her mission in life is to say something negative about everyone. I have had teachers come to me as well as other patents who are concern about the bad rep she is giving us (PTO). We have had a problem with her before but the other president would not address it. As a newly elected president I would like to "nip this in the butt" before it get out of control. She is very aggressive and out spoken so I don't want to start a big fight, but I also feel that we need to be united as a group and let her know that there is no reason for all the negative PR. I would like some suggestions of how to handle this before I decide to proceed on my own. I am not easily intimidated so I'm not afraid of calling her on the rumors, but I also represent a group of parents and I would like to handle this matter as nicely as I can. Please help!!! Any suggestion would be appreciated.

M--this ain't gonna be easy and normally I would suggest you just become sickly sweet and ask for her recommendations as you've heard there may be some areas where she feels the PTO is lacking. You can't really confront her cause that will only give fuel to the fire. It will be contorted and used for her own benefit and future stories. When you hear incidents of her negative stories I'm sure folks realize that it is this woman's nature. My response would be "I certainly hope she'll bring up her issues at the next meeting" and then drive on. I've also used the "It's sad that her energies are so focused on negatives". There's really nothing you can say to affect her and the WORST thing you could do to her is stay positive and upbeat and successful. Folks will see her for what she is and her relative power will be lost.
Of course-if there are rumors she begins that you think are hurtful to the group, then get the real information out there via your newsletters etc. Do a spotlight comment that doesn't address her specifically but sheds light on the issues...if it is not an issue and just a personal attack--ignore it. It won't hurt you!
d

Er, dlf, that IS good advice, but personally when I hear remarks like that they make me wonder about the person making said remarks, and this is why...

I was involved in our PTA for 4 years. The first 2 years our president actually had a clue what they were doing, but their personal life went to hell and it affected their leadership abilities. I started questioning the way our money was being handled (quietly), and when I didn't feel I was being listened to I started campaigning for an audit at the end of their term. This should have been done as a matter of course, but it looked like it wasn't going to be done.
The next person to become president didn't have a lot of time for the job so another board member pretty much ran everything and we had a few clashes (in private); then that person became president and I didn't run for the board because I knew we couldn't work together.
I found out later that they had been telling people how negative I was, that I wasn't what was needed on a PTA board and so on. Meanwhile, during their 2 terms they drove away almost every teacher and parent, to the point of refusing to even give them a form to join the PTA.
Last spring I was approached to return to the board and it was then that I found out what had been said about me. Some people flat out told me they'd been concerned about working with me because I supposedly was so negative, but slowly I think people are seeing that I'm getting things done, and if I say I'll do something I do it.
The whole thing left me much less likely to believe someone if they say another person is negative, and more likely to wonder about the person saying it instead. Just my 2 cents.

Freudian slip?? I sure hope you meant "nip it in the bud", although I can see why such a volunteer could drive you to your expression.

I don't have a lot of advice to add that hasn't already been given. I just wanted to add two quotes to this discussion that I often re-read to keep me going.

There is so much good in the worst of us
And so much bad in the best of us
That it hardly behooves any of us
To talk about the rest of us
(Edward Wallis Hoch 1849-1925, Marion (Kansas) Record)

Mediocrity always attacks excellence. If you go beyond mediocrity others will attack you because they feel uncomfortable in your presence. To support you they have to admit they lack courage (as heard on Oprah during a discussion about "The Secret"-2007)

Thank you all for the replies. I understand about someone being upset because things are not being run the right way, but we still have one position open on the board and it was offered to her, she refused. We have a great board who works hard and dedicates many hours and things are being done. I hope she will realize this and stop the bad PR. I wish she could turn this bad energy to something positive. Thanks.

flamingo: FYI, your first two paragraphs sound pretty negative.


Gossip can hurt groups. The best you can do is not let it effect you personally and try not to feed the flames.

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If you don't expect too much from me, you might not be let down.

rumors by definition are just that, RUMORS (gossip, hearsay, not based in fact).

if in fact someone is really constantly spreading rumors, their beliveablitly and credibility will take care of itself. you need do nothing. (unless you get into slander or libel situation, that is different, but you need facts for that and not hearsay)

If everyone minded their own business ..... the world would go round a deal faster than it does. Lewis Carroll, said by the Duchess, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

If she is not an executive board member or a chairperson of any of your committees, then count your blessings. As a volunteer parent, you can control her during your meetings by stating that no negative comments will be tolerated during PTO meetings. We began to place the following excerpt from our bylaws on our meeting agenda and it stopped all verbal bashing that previously went on.

[I]The public meetings are reserved for reading the minutes, budget information, old business, new business and current updates. Criticism of individual teachers, administrators or parents shall not be voiced in open meetings or executive sessions. Any individual problems arising shall be taken up outside the public meeting. Discussions regarding the above mentioned shall be addressed with either the President of the PTO or the Principal of the XYZ School, in accordance with ABC Township School policy.[/I]

I would suggest that you make it clear at your first PTO meeting that negative comments will not be tolerated and you intend for the meetings to be productive and keeping to the agenda. As far as outside of meetings, you cannot stop her. We had one woman that went as far as to use PTO email lists to send out her comments and outright lies about me and the actions of other members of the PTO. That is why we don't use email as a normal resource for providing information. The use & abuse can be very damaging.

If you do speak to her, you may cause more harm than good. She will then be able to talk about how you approached her.....yade yada. Unless you actually overhear her yourself and can say something at that very moment, I would just hope that the parents know her for what she is "a rumor mongel" and one that is seeking attention and they will ignore what she has to say.

My situation happened two years ago and last year we had a great year and since the woman in my school was put in her place by several parents for what she said about the PTO, she never showed up last year.

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Doing it for my one and only ~~ my son!

Thank you again, this really helps me in getting started on a brand new school year. She is our Hospitality person ( kind of ironic). We are way on our way to a great year. I love being on the PTO Board and also helping out at school. I do it because I want to and I do it for my little girl. She will learn form me that helping others is a good thing.