PTO Today

I'm going to try to give the abbreviated story. Our town has two elementary schools that go up to 4th grade. Each yr. both elementary schools get their 4th graders together for a picnic which is funded by the PTO's. Early into the school year, our PTO decided to try to change the location of the picnic due to input from parents/students. We reached out to the other schools PTO's President in February to try to meet with them to go over other options and suggested a local campground alternative. Even though they are 501(3)c, they do not hold any meetings. The executive board does everything themselves. Bottom line, they put us off for months and refused to meet with us and then lied to their principle saying we sprung this on them last minute. They booked the regular site and got the trip approved by our school board without our consent or knowledge. When we approached our principle and explained what happened, we were told we had to fund the picnic anyway. We requested a meeting with our schools principle. At the meeting, it was mentioned that the principle couldn't tell us where to spend the money we raised as we are a non-profit org and that we weren't going to pay for the picnic. Finally, it was agreed that we would fund the 4th grade picnic as long as we could take our 4th graders to the campground on a separate outing. While I was out of town, the principle called a meeting with the PTO and told them the trip to the campground was off and he still expected us to fund the picnic. Any suggestions on how to deal with this situation? We've had a pretty good relationship with the principle up to this point...but we've never had a disagreement before either...

Without knowing you or any more details than the ones provided in your post, I respectfully offer my opinion that your PTO pay for the trip and graciously meet the other school at the original location. And by graciously, I mean [I]graciously[/I]....

Unfortunately, this other PTO didn't appear to play nice. A handful of adults used what power they had to manipulate a situation to their favor. It happens all the time. Really, [I]all the time[/I]! Their pettiness will come back to haunt them some day.

What you, your group and the rest of your 4th grade teachers, parents and students can do is go to the picnic and have a fabulous time. That's what it's all about anyway, right?

I do understand your frustration. It's bad enough that this powerful little group of four to six people has absolute control over their own PTO and school but now, seemingly, over your's too for this one event. I have to agree with your principal though. Kids learn all kinds of things at school and only a portion of it is from the curriculum. They learn oh so much more from the society around them. If they see you promoting positive interactions with the other school, you are giving them a great gift.

__________________
“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.”

CC's right. Unfortunately these boards are filled with small people doing small things and usually what really kills them is when the big people continue to ensure the kids interests are put above the pettiness. Perhaps this is the last time for this particular tradition unless there are some accommodations made by the 2d group. It may also be constructive to organize a meeting in advance, with written notice to the other group and principal (and whomever else is necessary to attend) and make the agenda about the location of next year's picnic (if there is to be one). That way everyone knows there is a meeting, if the other side doesn't show then you make decisions without them.
As to this year, appear gracious and enjoy the picnic. The kids will be better for your approach.
d

Wow, I'm really surprised by your responses...Our principle did inform our PTO that the picnic will remain the same in the future, no chance of ever changing. When we did meet and accepted the fact we were going to be forced to participate, we told him we would not be doing the picnic next year at the same location. I guess from our perspective, he doesn't have the right to tell us where to spend the money we raise. He agreed to allow us to take the kids to the camp and then did an about face. The other schools PTO took their entire school on a trip to the zoo. That is where they decided to spend their money. We decided to invest in smartboards for every classroom..at a cost of $22,000...we have raised in the past 3 months $7,000. I am concerned that when the parents who volunteer their time and money find out about this, it will be an issue in the future.

You're absolutely right that he can't dictate where you spend your money. But the reality is the PTO/Principal relationship is the most important one in the school and at times there has to be concessions made in order to continue to do the good work you're doing. Congrats on teh smartboard purchase. That's a tremendous enhancement to your learning program. I think if this were me...really...I would make a one on one appointment with the principal and let him know that you feel undercut by the change in plans that he made whilst you were out of town. It was disingenuous to the agreement you'd made. Tell him you want to ensure that your funding priorities are aligned for the coming year and then go through them. There's really nothing you can do about what has happened to date and you are on the "right" side of things. I think CC and I just agree that "nothing good" can come from pursuing this particular year's fight.
I am approaching my 20th year of marriage. As my husband and I face the inevitable fights after this long of a time together I sometimes ask myself "is it worth the marriage" and so far the answer has been no and I've been able to get over whatever the issue was. Your relationship with the principal is much the same. If you've had good relations up to this point, "is it worth the marriage"? I think that is how I'd broach it...and move on.

Good luck either way...
d

Wow, this is a tough one.

In some ways I agree, as I usually do, with CrewChief and dif. At this point you need to play somewhat nice and pay for your portion of the picnic, go and have a great time with no annimosity whatsoever...

On the other hand I don't understand your Principal's decision to shut down the campground idea.

I would recommend setting up another meeting with your Principal. Maybe just your President, or President/V.P. Start off by explaining how you feel that this is all for the kids and that the picnic tradition is great and that you are fully supportive. But then ask why the campground idea is an issue. Maybe your Principal has a valid reason. Is it during the school day? Maybe two days away from school is considered too much. Maybe the decision is coming from the Superintendant and not from the Principal. Who knows at this point. Ao try to find out the Principal's reasoning and then see what can be done from there. Maybe in the end you can come to an understanding that makes everyone happy.

Good luck,
PresidentJim

I agree with what you're saying for the most part. I have learned to pick and choose my battles. Like I said, we have up to this point agreed on everything. My concern is for the future...knowing we don't want to fund the picnic, he tells us we have to and no chance that we'll ever change the location. That's not a compromise, it's a dictatorship. That says to me he's willing to let us bust our butts to make improvements to his school, that the district can't afford to budget, as long as we do everything he wants with the money. If that is how it's to be, I know plenty of parents who are willing to walk away from the PTO altogether, and I am one of them. The kids and parents from our school want the picnic moved and we're supposed to be here for the kids. By the way, one of the principles kids is a 4th grader...

You know our 5th grade programs were beginning to take a large chunk of our change (like over a thousand a year just for 5th graders). It was all for great stuff (DARE and Moving Up ceremonies) but it was starting to be of concern that one grade was taking up such a large chunk of money raised. This year we've started a Legacy Fund. Our 5th graders sell ice cream for a dollar a piece 2 times a month on Fridays. They make the signs, they collect the money the adults buy the ice cream but for the most part it is a 5th grade thing. The 5th grade then donates the money to fund the rising 5th graders as sort of their legacy to the coming grade. Any left over monies are put toward a donation of a needed item to the school as a whole. The sales go tremendously; the effort locks in the position of the 5th graders as the big sisters and brothers of the school, the economic side of things figures easily into a lesson plan and so this is standards of learning friendly, and the response is remarkable for such a small amount of effort (like 300 dollars every 2 weeks). Over the course of the school year that adds up to some serious money. Since I'm leaving as the PTO president this year, I've volunteered to lead the creation and monitor the Legacy Fund. Perhaps you could consider something similar where the 4th graders are funding their picnic themselves (or maybe them funding the picnic for nextyear is their Legacy.). Just a way to meet in the middle and not feel like a significant amount of your money is going to one smaller group of children...
d

helpin, I really do sympathize with your concerns about how much control the principal should have as well as how much your group should be influenced by the actions of the other group.

I do agree with the principal in this situation simply because it's too late in the year to change things. It stinks that things ended up the way they did but this seems to me a classic grin and bear it kind of thing.

That said, I would be sure that it doesn't happen again. Like dlf mentions, approach the other group again next year but do so by including both principals as well. Then, go into the meeting not with a "we'll win it this time" approach but with a "let's work together to have the kind of picnic the kids and parents really want" attitude.

Also, like Jim says, maybe you can have two days next year. If funds and schedules allow, have the traditional picnic with the other school as well as a day just for your kids at the campground.

Finally, again agreeing with the other posters, consider having a meeting with the principal. Have a year end wrap up sort of discussion, talking about what worked, what didn't, and how you can keep the lines of communication open.

It's says a lot about your group that this is your first real conflict with the principal. Things must usually run pretty smoothly and that's rarely from blind luck but rather from everyone working together. Sadly, one bad situation can turn the tide and sour relationships to the point of groups disbanding. Take the high road, meet with the principal and smooth things out for a great start next school year.

__________________
“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.”

I am sorry to hear about what happened in this situation. A LOT of people take their title to a level of power trip that should never be allowed though we are all individuals and we must find a way to move forward in the face of adversity.

My outlook on your situation is this: Remember not to take this personally. These funds are not your personal funds. I understand things went wrong politically though sometimes you must step out of the conflict with grace and dignity allowing the other parties involved to see that you and your board have integrity and professionalism.

I would use caution with this principal and the other school involved. Our Board must vote on any expenditures over 1,000. This may solve any future conflicts. Allow your board to decide and then give your principal a yes or no.

Good Luck