[persepine]

I am very frustrated and looking for help to figure out what someone else would do in my situation. My family and I are new to the area, and this will be our first full year at our school. I am a stay at home mom whom really wants to be involved in the PTO. I signed up, introduced my self to the Lead Officer, whom told me 'they wouldn't need any help until the 'Family Fun Night' in the Spring.' Which defeats the purpose of having a PTO, she told me that they don't hold meetings. I have spoken to the principle who seemed to stick up for the 'Lead Officer,' and is very passive or non caring as I would put it. Since coming to the school I have heard nothing but complaining about not having Parent Involvement, but no one seems to want to let the parents get involved. I believe that the principle hand picked these officers himself, as they all seem to work at the school, and are parents. I feel as if I am not good enough, as they seem to have their own little 'Click.' Can anyone help me figure out what to do?? I am torn, part of me wants to drop it and walk away. Then there is part of me that wants to complain to everyone as to why this school, which is only 6 years old does have parent involvement. They blame it on low income families. Not once in the 5 weeks that school has been in session have I heard anything about joining the PTO, but there is a fundraiser in the works. How does that work without a comittee of parents??? Should I stand up and fight to find the answer? Or should I just walk away??
Totally Frustrated, Dawn

Hi Dawn - there are many on this board who have been in those very same shoes. One question to ask yourself is if they are the only way to be involved and will it be the most positive for you at this moment? Many take the cold shoulder as a challange and many choose another avenue of volunteering - I've seen both and have done both. First couple of years was very active. Once the shinny new smell wore off and true intentions of some were revealed it was another story and many parents switched to helping in the classrooms. Both choices of volunteering are rewarding but you have to know how much you want to go through ... politics is not for everyone and unfortunately it will play a part with the organization. Take your time, look at the pros and cons as it relays to your life & happiness and keep in touch.

[PresidentJim]

I can definitely understand your frustration Dawn.

Some questions first...

Do you know if this group is independant? If so then they likely have Bylaws. If not, then they probably fall under the school, and ultimately the Principal's control.

If there are Bylaws the tough question would be who has them and what it would take to get a copy. What is the requirements for being a "member" of this group? For example, is everyone automatically a member or do you have to pay dues?

It seems as though the lead officer is controlling her little click. Maybe try talking with some of the other members and ask innocent questions, such as "why don't you guys have meeting?", "What do I need to do to become a member?", is there any place where I can fill a need?".

Worse comes to worse, then is it possible to wait her out? Meaning, how old is this lead officer's child and how old is yours? Will she be gone next year, or will she be around for a while.

Depending on the situation you might be able to try to start your own group. You could even front it as a "dads" group, with your husband acting as a figure head. The point here would be to try to establish a new, functional group that the Principal would be willing to allow and then making it so successful that it can either incorporate the existing group, or change into one.

Now here is the last resort. If you can't get anywhere with this clicky group, and you're having no luch with the Principal, you may need to move up the chain. Likely the Principal reports to a Superintendant of Schools or a Town School Council. Contacting these groups about the situation would be a last resort, but would definitely get a reaction. I've even heard of a situation where a parent ran for, and was elected to the town's School Council because they wanted to be involved and the parent group was not letting them.

Anyway, good luck,
PresidentJim

[LUVMYKIDS]

Lots of good tips from the other posters and I agree that you need to politely ask some questions about how to get involved. Maybe you could offer your services in getting a volunteer program going. There are probably other parents out there just like you. In the mean time, have you approached your child's teacher about helping in the classroom? That is sometimes the best place to start if you want to get involved in the school.

you absolutely can volunteer in many differnt capacities without going thru the organized parent group

ask your teachers if they need classroom help, ask the librarians, computer lab, if they need help. those are good places to start.

[persepine]

Beignets. Thanks for your reply I do work in my daughters classroom, but I want to do more. I don't feel that the ladies that have the PTO now have searched out all possible avenues to try to get parents involved. So that is my goal today since after speaking with the principal on Monday. I received a phone call from who other than the 'Lead Officer,' and how I can help. So we shall see what happens today. Thanks again, Dawn

[OneandOnly]

Since you are new, don't be quick to form judgement. Take it slow and keep your eyes and ears open. Speak to other parents at the school events and ask questions about how you can get involved, how do you sign up etc. If you hear anyone complain about the lack of involvement, that is the time to speak up and say you were willing to volunteer, but was told none was needed at the time.
As you find out more about how the organization is run, you can possibly take a lead role in running an event or take a position. That is when you can make a difference and change how the organization is run. Have meetings, open the lines of communication with parents, send out volunteer forms and post newsletters so parents know what is going on.
Unfortunately, there are still schools out there that have parents that want to control everything and they do shut out parents and then complain about how much work it is for them. They complain parents don't appreciate what they do; but the fact is parents don't know WHAT they do since they don't share any information with anyone. They spin their own web.
Take it slow and get your foot in the door and then make the changes when the time is right and you have made a positive name for yourself in the school and have parent support.

[persepine]

Thank you all for all your help. I did sign up to be on the PTO, I even said that I would like to be an officer. That's when I was told that they didn't need the help. Since than I spoke with the principal about the situation, and the comment about not needing help, which lead me to believe that they wanted to run it their own way. The very next day after speaking witht he principal, I received a phone call about wanting my help. I went to speak with the 'Lead Officer,' and was picking her brain about what they do, and why she feels that they don't have parent involvement. She explained to me that 'they have tried everything.' When I suggested if they have tried to have a dinner to raise money and then speak to everyone about PTO, and what it is and does. It seemed as though it wasn't something that they were willing to try. Insead she told me that they almost didn't have a PTO this year. This school is the most unorganized school we have been to. Not informative at all!!! So I work with the teacher every week, and have decided that I will help when they need me, or IF they need me. I am going to be the 'Classroom Mom.' I am involved other ways, but wanted more. So, I will go above and beyond my call of duty as 'Classroom Mom,' and see if they notice!!! Thanks again for all your help. I am still going to pick brains about the PTO, because it is a total disappointment that they don't seem willing to hear other ideas let alone hold meetings to see if anyone wants to get involved. Sincerely Thankful, Dawn

[mommytlc]

I know it is frustrating, but I would still be involved in the school. You can help out in your child's classroom, help in the office, make copies for the teachers, go on field trips, help in the lunchroom. The list goes on and on. Don't let the other parents dictate your involvement in the school. Good luck to you.

[OneandOnly]

Keep being involved. Why don't you suggest creating a small one-page newsletter to send out to families each month giving some information on what the PTO is doing in the school. Maybe by seeing what the PTO does to enhance the students' day, parents will be more apt to donate to fundraisers and step up and volunteer.
Rather than a dinner, having a sundae party on a Friday night is a nice & easy atmosphere for parents to bring the kids. they don't feel they have to stay long, either. Each family would get a flyer as they left thanking them for attending and listing upcoming PTO events and a phone number if the parents want to come and help.
Keeping them in the dark is why they have a lack of volunteers. When you have parents like yourself that like to get involved & share the experiences with their kids, they will step up. But if they are not aware of what is going on, its an opportunity lost.