You have a lot of valid questions about the nuts and bolts of a merger. The number one thing to make this all work, however, is to stop thinking about two PTOs from different schools and start thinking about how together you can create one strong PTO for the school that all of your kids will be attending next year.
The structure you start from (EIN, etc.) doesn't matter much in the long run. As far as bylaws, you should form a bylaws committee and write bylaws that fit the new group. Think of this as an opportunity: You have talented leaders and volunteers in each existing group, and good ideas in each group. You have more resources, in that sense, than the two separate groups, so you have the opportunity to accomplish a lot.
The challenge is to bring those together to form one even stronger whole. It's hard because it involves a lot of communication and compromise. But you'll be much better off if you think of this as building a great PTO from the ground up rather than one group or the other being in charge.
Get some of the leaders from both groups together for coffee and brainstorm some of the things you might accomplish. It's important to think forward -- what can we do in the new situation -- rather than backward.
As far as the money, you should strongly consider having your new group apply for tax-exempt status from the IRS. In that case, you will be able to donate the money to the new group. If not, technically you would be better off donating it to the school.
- Craig
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