Wryen & Lisa-
You have no idea how much I needed this message today! I am too am at my wit's end with a member of our board. I am going to try to let her stuff roll off me like you did Wryen. Going to try the killem' with kindness approach!

Wryen-
That's terrific news! I'm so glad you reported back.

Think that you hit on something with regards to an attitude change. It's the old, you can't always change a situation but you can change how you react to it. It's that attitude that makes life a little less stressful.

Congrats on a successful year!

~Lisa

Lisa and Laura, thank you so much - or as we say in Hawaii - Mahalo Nui Loa! I really appreciate the both of you for giving me some sound advice. This afternoon we had our elections and I was reelected for a second year as President. Things have changed significantly. I believe in dealing with this teacher, I had to change my attitude and perspective on the situation. Instead of letting her being "difficult" bother me or get me down, I decided that I was going to focus on the students (who are my #1 priority) and work to make the event a success. Actually, to be honest, today I saw a complete change in her as well. Perhaps her being "difficult" made me a stronger leader. So, it seems that the problem has worked itself out - at least for now.

Also, thank you for your kind words of support. PTO this year raised nearly $6,000 at our May Day Ho'olaule'a. For the year, we raised $15,000 which is currently unprecedented by any previous PTO. So, I'm happy with the result and I am looking forward to working with the PTO again.

From the Big Island, I say mahalo.

Aloha, Wryen

Wryen-
I'm with rm9116-- you deserve a lot of credit for what you've accomplished so far and your loyalty to the school! Think she gives excellent, actionable advice, especially regarding bringing the principal and putting a positive spin on the teacher's efforts, and bringing in a liaison closer to the teacher's age. I would also say don't answer the teacher's phone calls. You don't need or deserve to have her belittle you on the phone. That's a form of bullying. Here are 2 excellent articles that may help you deal with her head on: www.ptotoday.com/pto-today-articles/arti...ersonality-conflicts
www.ptotoday.com/pto-today-articles/arti...g-with-disagreements

Your event sounds like a blast! Don't let this negative person get in the way of your or the kids' fun!

Please keep us posted.
Best of luck,
~Lisa


Follow us on Twitter .
Connect with us on Facebook .

Congratulations on a job well done! You've taken on a tough task and almost made it through the year with the support of almost all of the staff and families - a great accomplishment. So many PTOs would love to have someone with your energy and commitment!

I don't know how to fix this, but I have two different suggestions. I hope one of them can work for you.

1. I'd take another board member with me and schedule a conference with the principal, stating that this teacher has gone above and beyond by taking on so many responsibilities for the PTO, but that you have volunteers now that are willing to take on those tasks, so she can again focus on the end of the year tasks she has to complete. Be effusive and thankful, but get the principal's buy-in that the teacher can ease out of this role without hurting the PTO's feelings. Then get a list of the unofficial tasks she's assigned herself and meet with principal and teacher together, explaining who can take on those roles now. If you are feeling up to it, ask whether she would review the plans made by others to make sure they meet her standards, but acknowledge that they will now handle this job so that she doesn't have so much PTO pressure on her. Be sincere - she'll know if you are feeling even a little bit sarcastic or frustrated, but be firm that you need the families to step up to take on these jobs for the good of the school.

2. Get a volunteer from your members who is closer to her age who is willing to serve as a liaison with that teacher. I am almost 50 and work on the PTO for the school attached to the church where I grew up, and many of the older members still treat me like the teenager I was long ago. She may have trouble seeing you in a responsible position and trusting you to get it right, since she may still see you as the 5th grader you were. Putting that buffer there leaves you free to complete the tasks you need to handle at the end of the year, like above, and do it without the ulcer that otherwise appears inevitable.

From your note, it looks as though you respected the teacher as a teacher, so don't give up on her. Set limits with the principal's assistance, or deflect the barrage to someone else, and your life will once again become more manageable.

Good luck to you!

Laura

Aloha. My name is Wryen Kiwaha. I am 18 years old and have no children of my own. However, since last year, I have been active with my local elementary school's PTO. In fact, at the beginning of this school year I was elected its President and Chief Executive Officer. I became a member representing my nephews and nieces who attend the school. I love this school and would do anything for it.

However, in later April 2011 we began planning our event called Ho'olaule'a. In Hawaiian, it means "Celebration." The Ho'olaule'a is a public fundraising event with games, food, bake sales, a Country Store, etc. And, this year the principal decided to consolidate Ho'olaule'a with May Day. For those of you who don't know what May Day is, it is a Hawaiian cultural event where the school's graduating students (in our case, 5th graders) are selected to be King, Queen and princes/princesses representing the eight Hawaiian islands. These students make up the royal court and represent the royalty of the former Hawaiian Kingdom. Students, teachers and staff all perform hula for the community. It is one of the most important cultural traditions we have in modern times.

Anyways, in planning for this event, everything was going smooth until the 5th grade teacher at our school decided she was going to make things difficult for us. It seems like every time we have something important to organize, all the teachers and staff support us - except her. She likes to play the victim quite a bit and tells everybody that she has so much to do for the PTO - even though we never asked her to do it. She is constantly giving me grief and calls me often (which I dread because by the end of the conversation she has found some way to make me feel useless).

Anyways, we haven't event approached the day of the event and I'm beginning to break. She has made things so much worse. As an alumnus of the school, I love the school so much. For me, its always been a second home. This year, this teacher whom I had respected and liked for many years, has made me feel so unwelcome and unwanted. I am doing my best, but it seems like nothing is good enough.

I have thought many times of resigning, but, have chosen not to. I'm willing to take her crap in order to support the students of this school.

Amy idea or advice for a young PTO President like me?