1. Being a student for a day—riding the bus, asking permission to go to the restroom, and mastering the art of “stealth texting.”

2. Tattooing “School Is Cool” on his forehead if students log enough hours in the school reading challenge.

3. Attempting to set a new world record in hot dog eating—with cafeteria hot dogs, of course.

4. Taking a group of middle schoolers to opening night of the last Twilight movie. (The preteen shrieks would make him want to join the undead!)

5. Starring in a schoolwide broadcast of his own reality show: Keeping Up With the Principalians.