After a decade of talking with PTO and PTA leaders on the phone, in person, and through our online message boards, we've found that one of the most common themes is how to deal with principal problems. Can the principal decide what kind of events we run? What if she gets in our way? Who has final say over fundraising and finances?

My latest video blog on who's the boss of the PTO covers the short answer -- if your parent group is independent from the school, then technically the principal does not control these decisions -- and also why this isn't really the right answer. A strong, successful parent group needs cooperation and support from the principal; you aren't likely to get either of those if you're fighting over territory.

So here's this week's tip: Instead of challenging the principal's authority, find ways to work together. Start by thinking about concerns she might have, and what you and your fellow PTO leaders can do about them. Is the principal worried about embezzlement? Wow her with the financial controls your group uses. Did previous PTO boards plan activities that interfered with classroom time? Might make sense to check dates with teachers before printing up flyers. (Read ''Real Disputes With the Principal'' to see how several parent groups solved their own disagreements.)

In the end, it doesn't really matter who's in charge; what does matter is that your PTO is doing great work for the kids and making the school a better place. That's also the best foundation for building a strong principal-PTO partnership.