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One Last Dance

A mom who got involved says thanks for the memories.

by Sharron Kahn Luttrell

The email arrived on one of those gray-shrouded winter days when light-starved people reposition their desk lamps in a desperate attempt to absorb vitamin D. The message was from a fellow parent asking for volunteers to help plan the 8th grade semiformal. Outside it was bone-cracking cold, but the words “June dance” propelled me forward into warm breezes and fragrant night air.

It was just what I needed to lift me out of my winter darkness. And even more important, it would shed some figurative—but no less vital—light on my daughter’s school. The opportunities to volunteer had dwindled as my daughter moved up the grades so by the time she entered a new building in 8th grade, they were all but gone. School had become a shadowy place populated by faculty, staff, and kids whose names I didn’t know.

That evening my daughter wandered into the kitchen while I was packing the next day’s lunches. I told her about the email.

She stiffened. “You can help out, but you are not going to chaperone.” The force of her words nearly knocked the peanut butter knife from my grip. I opened my mouth, but before I could speak, she added, “Because if you do, I’m not going.” She folded her arms across her chest and raised her eyebrows at me.

My first thought was, “Well, I guess that means you’ll miss the naked baby pictures I’ll be showing around to all of your classmates.” My second, almost simultaneous thought was of how when I was in 8th grade, the mere existence of my mother sent me into spasms of mortification. And my third thought was, Thank goodness I got in eight years of volunteering at my daughter’s schools before she slammed the doors shut on me. And thank you, too, to the PTO, which opened the doors in the first place, invited me in, and gave me something to do.

I nearly didn’t join the PTO. I figured all of those women (and they were all women) already knew each other and wouldn’t want an outsider nosing around in their business. I didn’t think I fit the part of a PTO parent. I like kids, but not nearly as much as I like my own. I’m disorganized. I can’t bake, or cook, or keep track of money. But I wanted to find out what was happening in my daughter’s elementary school, so I went to a meeting. From there it was easy to volunteer (they passed a sheet around and I signed it), and pretty soon I learned two things: first, the PTO actually wants people to nose around in their business; and second, everybody fits the part of a PTO parent—even me.

Joining the PTO is a great way to learn about your child’s school and to meet other parents. But being an active member does so much more. Decades of studies have shown that children whose parents are involved in their education have higher grades and are more likely to graduate than those whose parents aren’t involved. They have better attendance, are more motivated, have higher self-esteem, and are less likely to use drugs and alcohol or engage in violent behavior. When it comes to academic achievement, parent involvement is more critical than income, education level, or cultural background.

There’s a payoff for parents and schools, too. Involved parents tend to feel self-confident and in control. They meet new people, which strengthens and expands their social networks. They become better educated about child development, and they tend to have positive rapport with the school. Teacher morale increases and schools become stronger.

Being involved with your child’s education doesn’t begin and end in the school, of course. Parents need to show interest in their children’s learning, read to them, and help with homework. But there’s something about going into the classroom to help the teacher, or making posters for science night, or supervising the kids at recess that tightens the relationship between home and school for everyone—parents, children, and teachers. When enough parents join the PTO and put their collective creativity, talents, skills, and resources toward the same objective, they’re capable of just about anything. I’ve belonged to two PTOs so far and have watched each perform magic many times over. Starting with nothing, they have created fairs and family nights, conjured programs and performances, bought equipment and supplies that make teaching easier or more interesting and school more fun. They’ve helped kids pay for field trips and thrown their organizing power behind campaigns to support our districts’ schools.

But, as I realized that day packing lunches in my kitchen, joining the PTO is a limited-time offer. If you don’t act soon, the opportunity will be lost forever. I’m so glad that I acted when I did. Because the eight years since my daughter had been a kindergartner had raced by and deposited her at the other side of childhood—the side that tilts much too steeply toward adulthood.

Of course, just because I’m the mother of a 14-year-old (which, by definition, makes me an embarrassment), I don’t intend to stop being involved in my daughter’s education. I’ll just have to look harder for more opportunities to get into her school. I’ve already assured her that when I find some, we’ll pretend we don’t know each other—just like I did with my mom.

Sharron Kahn Luttrell volunteers for parent groups at two schools in Mendon, Mass.

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Comments

  1. Posted by - Lisa Moore on Jan. 09, 2012

    Three years later I want to underscore Kathy from NC's comment. I, too, am a HS PT(S)O President. My second year. It's not that there's no opportunity to be involved; it's (in our case) simply that 6 people cannot DO for 2000 students and what is probably 5000 or so parents. A one percent showing of the STUDENT population would be 20 people.

    I urge all my elementary and middle school parent volunteer friends to please pace themselves. Don't get burnt out by the time your child is in high school. As another responder pointed out, this is the best way to be involved and see who your kids are hanging out with. 8th grade is NOT the end of being needed; it is probably one of the best times for your kids to see you involved.
  2. Posted by - ariannasin on Nov. 15, 2009

    this article roxs my sox
  3. avatar

    Posted by kennyb on Oct. 06, 2009

    This is such a great article!

    The more stories like this we hear, the better :)
  4. Posted by - Lisa @ PTO Today on Sep. 11, 2009

    Hi Holly-
    Glad you enjoyed the article! Here is a link to our reprint policy:

    http://www.ptotoday.com/pto-today-reprint-rights

    If you are using the article on your PTO Website or blog please feel free to link to any article on our site.
    ~Lisa
  5. Posted by - Holly on Sep. 09, 2009

    I loved this article. As a parent that is a first time ptc president, I look forward to the many years I have to volunteer in my kids school. I would love to share this article with the parents in my school. Is there a way to get rights to share this.
  6. Posted by - Kathy, Charlotte, NC on Dec. 25, 2008

    I am a high school PTO President, and I just want to let everyone know that there are PLENTY of ways to help at a high school as well. We tend to let our kids tell us that they will be mortified if we hang around - but, they handle it just fine! It is so important for you to stay involved; you need to know who your teenagers friends are. Who is that person driving them home from practice? Who is having that party on Friday night? Is a parent going to be there? Do you know them? Someone else may be able to give you some insight. Communication! They will know you talk to other parents. When my second son was getting ready to enter high school, he told me that it was no longer necessary for me to 'be around school,' before I could answer - my older son told him to 'get used to it!' Don't be afraid of teenagers - they still want and need the love and support that you give them; they just don't like to admit it.
  7. Posted by - Traci Fusaiotti on Dec. 18, 2008

    Thank you so much for your inspiration! You are exactly right when you capture the feelings of involved mothers. I happen to be an involved mother of 2 elementary aged children and I have been so blessed to be part of their school. What better way can we as parents let them know we love and value them? Thanks for your insight!
  8. Posted by - Pat Usner on Jul. 23, 2008

    Great insight. I felt the same way when my daughter went to high school. The opportunities to be involved were very limited. But then I remembered all the wonderful times I had being involved in my daughter's elementary school. The time goes by very quickly indeed...don't let it pass you by....you can never get it back.

    (p.s. May we please have permission to print your letter to our Parents Club members. Thank you in advance)
  9. Posted by - Robin Zelmer on Jul. 09, 2008

    This story really touched my heart! I too have benn involved for 7 going on 8 years. My oldest son will be in Jr. High next year and my youngest in the 4th. Time DOES go by too quick! However I am fortunate, My oldest WANTS me to be there in the Jr. High too. I have done playground at my school, substitute Teach, and have been Elementary,Jr, and Sr. High school breakfast monitor. I LOVE the kids and I really enjoy being with them. I plan to use your story for back 2 school night. Thank you for sharing!! This will really help out. Unfortunately, we don't have but a FEW volunteers. Thank you again!!
  10. Posted by - Kat Thompson on Jul. 09, 2008

    Awesome article!!! All parents should read this!! I would also like to use it as a handout at our "open house" and will email the editor (Craig) for permission! Great work!!
  11. Posted by - Trudy Nightingale on Jul. 09, 2008

    As a new PA president looking for ways to entice existing and new families to join and get involved, this is a wonderful article. It brought tears to my eyes just thinking how fast time flies.
  12. Posted by - Natalie Woodroffe on Feb. 25, 2008

    This article gives a great perspective on how parents should view their role as PTO members. Its all about our kids isn't it? Please, could we have permission to use this article for a meeting or newsletter? We will also give credit. Thanks!

    -Natalie
  13. Posted by - Craig Bystrynski on Feb. 13, 2008

    Dayna, I'm so glad you enjoyed this article--it's one of my favorites. I just sent an email to you granting permission to reprint this article in your PTA newsletter. We ask that you credit PTO Today; include our web address, ptotoday.com; and include the author's name. To others who would like to reprint this or any other article, simply email me at editor@ptotoday.com. Please feel free to link to any article on our site from your PTO website or blog. -- Craig
  14. Posted by - Dayna Werland on Feb. 12, 2008

    WOW, that was a great article. May I use parts of it for my newsletter. I will give you credit and cite you.
    This is just what I needed to light a fire under some people.
    Thanks so much!

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