How to Stay Strong in Your PTO Leadership Role (Even on the Hard Days)

Leading a PTO group is rewarding—but let’s be honest, it’s not always easy. From fielding complaints to managing strong personalities to finding energy when you’re running on fumes (and low on coffee), leadership can feel like a marathon.

The good news? There are ways to protect your energy, stay calm, and lead with confidence even during the most challenging moments.

Here are 9 ways to stay strong when the going gets tough (plus tips from our community!):

1. Expect (and Accept) That Complaints Will Happen

No matter how hard you work or how thoughtful your plans, someone will have a suggestion, a critique, or a flat-out “I would’ve done it differently.” That’s not a reflection of your worth—it’s simply part of leadership.

Pro Tip: When you get negative feedback, pause before responding (always wait 24 hours, if you can).  Ask clarifying questions (“Can you tell me more about what didn’t work for you?”) and focus on the parts you can improve without taking the comments personally.

2. Remember: Difficult Personalities Usually Aren’t About You

Every PTO has a mix of personalities—some easygoing, others more… spirited. Sometimes strong personalities bring valuable energy and new ideas; other times, they can derail a project or create friction.

It’s also important to remember that principals, teachers, and PTO members often have different priorities and challenges. What feels urgent to your PTO may not align with a teacher’s classroom needs or a principal’s schedule, and that’s OK. Sometimes we forget that our initiatives may not align with theirs.

Pro Tip: Keep open communication so you can understand each other’s perspectives and find solutions that support everyone’s goals. Approach tricky situations with curiosity, not combat, and look for common ground whenever possible.

Nicole Hiller says, “I don’t want to make the principal or district be against us. If I don’t agree with or understand what is coming from them, I will respectfully ask questions until I do.” - Nicole Hiller, Treasurer, Pinewood Elementary PTC

3. Take Criticism as Data, Not a Judgment

Constructive criticism can be an incredible tool for growth—if you view it as information, not a personal attack. Even if the delivery isn’t ideal, there may be a nugget of truth that helps your group improve.

Pro Tip: Ask yourself, “What’s useful here?” and let the rest go. As a leader, pick and choose your battles. Sometimes letting it go is best for the group.

Alex Napoli Larson says, “I honestly just remind myself that I'm there for my kid and everything negative is just noise. I'm there to help the school and make my kid (and all the others) have a great time and get extra awesome experiences.” - Alex Larson, PTO Co-President, Haine Elementary and Middle School

4. Protect Your Energy Like It’s an Event Budget

Burnout is real in PTO leadership—especially if you’re the type who says yes to everything. You can’t lead well if you’re running on empty.

Pro Tip: Schedule “off” time after big events. Rotate responsibilities so no one is always in the hot seat. And don’t be afraid to say, “I can’t take that on right now, but I can help find someone who can.”

5. Keep Perspective During Exhausting Seasons

There will be months when it feels like you’re juggling 14 things at once and your to-do list has its own to-do list. This is when perspective matters most.

Pro Tip: Step back and remember why you’re doing this work: to create a stronger, more connected school community. One imperfect fundraiser or a smaller-than-hoped-for turnout doesn’t erase the big picture of your group’s impact.

Stephanie Nater says, “It’s a thankless job most of the time, but knowing I am helping to not only get my kids but also other kids the things they need to be successful is the best feeling.” - Stephanie Nater, PTA President, Double Eagle Elementary

6. Start a “Warm and Fuzzy” File

On the tough days, it’s easy to forget the positive impact you’ve made. Keep a file—digital or in a shoebox—of handwritten thank-you notes, kind emails, photos, and small reminders of the difference you’ve made. When you’re feeling drained or doubting yourself, flip through it. It’s proof that your hard work matters and is making a real impact.

Kim Ludlow says, “My most prized possession is this letter (below). I keep it in my car. And on days when I want to cry, I pull it out and it reminds me why I work so hard.” - Kim Ludlow, PTA President, Sinclair Elementary

7. Revisit Your Mission and Remember Your “Why”

When frustration, overwhelm, or feelings of being underappreciated creep in, go back to your PTO’s mission statement. Remind yourself of the purpose behind your work and the reason you said “yes” to leadership in the first place. Re-centering on your “why” can shift your mindset and renew your motivation.

Pro Tip: Be fully present at your events. Take a minute to see how much they connect families, help teachers and students, and build community.

Lauren says, “ Go to the school and see the kids, see the teachers hard at work, and the staff support. Brings me back to my why!” - Lauren Edelen, PTO President, Brookside Elementary

8. Build a Leadership “Support Squad”

You don’t have to go it alone. Find one or two trusted PTO friends you can text for a pep talk, vent session, or second opinion. They’ll help you remember you’re not the only one navigating leadership challenges. 

Elizabeth Nichols says, “When things get tough I call my fellow PTA crew for help. They always have my back.” - Elizabeth Nichols, PTA President, Quail Glen Elementary School

9. Tap Into PTO Today’s Expertise

For over 20 years, PTO Today has been helping parent group leaders navigate the ups and downs of leadership with proven tips, tools, and support. 

Subscribe to the Leader Lowdown newsletter: Delivered every Tuesday, it’s packed with fresh ideas, timely reminders, and encouragement to keep your group thriving.

Attend a Free Learning Lounge Webinar: These interactive sessions share our best strategies and resources for common PTO challenges. You’ll get your questions answered, find solutions to your biggest hurdles, and leave feeling inspired (and with Canva templates, printables, and more!).

🎉 Don’t miss our next free webinar Creative Ways to Get More Parents Involved on September 16, 2025! Register today to save your spot and take home actionable ideas you can put to work right away.

Read the latest issue of PTO Today Magazine, mailed to more than 84,000 K-8 schools. Look for your group's free copy, or read the latest issue online. 

Join our private Facebook group for support and inspo when you need it  (62,000 members and growing!). It’s a safe space for leaders to connect, ask questions, get advice, find support, share ideas, exchange templates, and learn from each other. You’ll find thousands of fellow leaders who “get it” and are ready to help you succeed.

Strong leadership isn’t about never feeling stressed, frustrated, or tired, it’s about how you respond in those moments. By setting boundaries, staying curious, keeping communication open, revisiting your mission, remembering your “why,” and leaning on the available support—from your fellow leaders and PTO Today—you can lead with both resilience and grace. And on the days when you feel like you’re running on empty? Remind yourself: you’re making a difference, one meeting, one event, and one kind conversation at a time.