You are probably dealing with a malignant Narcissist. I suggest you look up Narcisstic Personality Disorder. His modus operandi is attention-getting superiority. You cannot deal with him politely. Try to run him off, he'll never listen to your point of view, if you try to state it, you are probably wasting your time. These people can't change.
Personally I thinkk all of the suggestions are great.
If it were me however I think that it is important to have aunited front. I think that your principal is not stepping up to plate and allowing this to happen. I think that you and the principal need to pull this parent aside and confront him.
Kill him with kindness first or a decent smoke screen. Explain that you are aware that he does offer years of experience and that you do value his opinion "at times". But the goal of your organization is to have as many parents as possible involved and the manner in which he behaves at meetings is a bit much for all members attending to handle. Explain to him that if he does not tone it down he will be asked to leave the meeting and will be excluded from future meetings. I think the problem with such people is that they fail to realize that being involved is a privilage not a right. Especially when you are insulting people. You should not have to be subjected to his arrogance. It sounds to me his wife may be looking forward to that break from him while he is attending those meetings. (smiles)
I hope this helps. Please contact me if I can offer anymore help.
Tell him to leave and don't come back. Tell him that there is a code of conduct for your meetings (Roberts Rules) and since he cannot abide by them, he is a 'persona non grata' (if he's so smart then he should know Latin). Be strong and be firm and don't back down. Who cares if he is insecure.. who cares what motivates him to be so negative. He is toxic and needs to be removed.
No one can intimidate you without your permission.
I know that I personally would not stand for it and would have immiediately, upon the first issue, taken this guy aside and explained the problem. But at the same time I could see how this might be intimidating for some...
If so you may need to make things a bit more subtle...
One question, are any of the other active members friends with either he or his wife? If so then this may not work. But you may want to just remove him from the e-mail list. Maybe change your meeting date and/or time for the next meeting, or even the place. Have the meeting out somewhere. He'll show up to the school and wonder what's going on. This is a bit extreme, but maybe this is what it would take to get the message through to him.
But again, if it was me, I would take him aside and explain that "numerous members have complained about your behavior at the meetings. I know that you are a very intelligent and experienced person, but these other members are feeling like you want to control eveything. I want to be able to rely on your knowledge, but at the same time I don't want any of the new members to be alienated away from the group. So I'm asking you if you could try to tone down your responses. Anking questions is great, but not if you already know the answer and are just trying to put someone on the spot. Thanks for understanding!"
We have a relatively large volunteer base. We have a few parents that most people refuse to work with, we have virtually no volunteers at the events they run and those volunteers that are there are mismanaged.
While you don't want to alienate your volunteer base, that is exactly what you are doing by not cutting your losses. First, follow Robert's Rules for meetings. They are located on this web site. Don't allow unnecessary and rude comments and/or cross talk. By allowing unnecessary and rude comments and/or cross talk you have lost control of your meeting. As President, it is your job to run and steer the meeting by the agenda you have prepared. Second, if the troubled parent volunteers on a committee, keep them on a tight rein. Point out when they are not following the rules but be sure they are rules that everyone is following.
Be sure to stick to your guns. The whole point of everything is to make the school a better place for the kids, not to feed someone insecurities.
My first thought is to get this person aside and..., well, let's go with my second thought-explain to him that you don't appreciate his insulting and belittling comments, that every parent here is trying to help make our school a better place for the children, and that being able to work together in a civil fashion, showing basic respect for each other is crucial in order for the parent group to be successful in its' efforts. You can quote this verbatim if you would like. If you don't think you can do that, then let's move on to other thoughts.....
Does he show up at a board meetings or just at general meetings? There is another thread here on the site that discusses non-board members and whether they can attend/speak at board meetings-you might want to check that out.
Otherwise, do you use an agenda at your meetings? If not, start right away, hand the agenda out at the beginning of the meeting, be very clear that you will be sticking to the agenda, and even set time limits for discussion of the items. This may slow him down at least.
If he gets up during a meeting and starts on one of his little "performances", politely interrupt him and ask him if he has a point to make that would aid in the current topic discussion since we are trying to stick to the agenda and get through items in a timely manner. If he makes a point, thank him for it and ask if anyone else has any comments. Basically, don't let him take control of your meetings or speak long enough to get anything started.
If you are afraid that people mistake him for a board member, you could try the subtle tactic of making name tags for all of your board members to wear during meetings and take photos that you can post somewhere in the school as kind of a "help" to let parents know who to contact about various areas/events/programs. Point out at the first meeting where you use the nametags that board members are wearing the tags and that you want to help parents get to know who to go to with questions, issues, or ideas.
It honestly sounds to me like this guy thinks of himself as superior to all of the rest of you(maybe even to the entire world). I know I'd have trouble not chewing him up and spitting him out, so my heart goes out to you.
As for your principal claiming there is nothing she can do, I know that if one of our school staff was insulted by a parent that the principal would speak with that parent.
