I am serving my 2nd year as PTA president at a high school with 2,000 students. The two years that I have been president have been pretty much drama free because it was established at the beginning that I was not going to allow it to happen - especially in our meetings. I've had a couple of people try me and I very professionally told them that we didn't operate that way and if there was something that they had ideas or suggestions on or a better way to do things then we could meet or they could come to the next committee meeting handling that and offer their help. Of course they didn't. One parent told me that she and her husband were going to start their own parent organization. I wished them well but I also told her that all would be better served if we had had an opportunity to talk over coffee and I could have given her the history of the school and the work that the PTSA had done. (With both parents they had freshman students.)
I know that there are comments made in little groups about things that they don't like but those people never volunteer, never have constructive suggestions and some never even join the PTA. One thing that works well in our meetings is if we're going to have an open question and answer session with the principal, I ask people to write their questions on an index card when they get there. They're collected and read and answered based on the time available. It sets some parameters and it stops it from being a whining session or an opportunity to harass the principal. Keep the mission and the vision as your goal and you can't go wrong.
We have had some parents stop participating as well. Myself included at one point by my choice, not theirs. Our PTO, like ALL others, has seen it's share of drama. For them to ask you not to be involved is completely unprofessional and just inexcusable. Speaking your mind and having your own opinion is not a crime but usually causes conflict or tension. There's always too many "yes" people. It is so hard to get parents involved. Time constraints and dare I say, many just don't care are a couple of reasons. When I was PTO president, I told parents that whatever amount of time you can give to PTO is appreciated. Whether it be holding an executive position, 30 minutes to take a class to lunch or read with a child that needs a little extra help or making a few phone calls, everything and everyone is important and needed. And I made sure to let them know they were appreciated. But I have to admit, that near the end of my term, I got so sick of it. I have no problem telling someone "thank you" or "great job"!. We all need to feel our time and effort is appreciated. But I got tired of feeling like I had to coddle so many of the parents and begging for volunteers. When a few events were going to be cancelled due to not enough volunteers, then we would have parents step up. Parents should see PTO as a responsibility rather than a burden. We are ALL parents and PTO members. We are there for our children and the school. Everyone's time is precious and we all get paid the same - nothing. Having said all this, there is NO way I would let other parents tell me I was no longer welcome to participate in PTO. I would go to meetings and voice my opinions every chance I got.
Our group of parent helpers and leaders has pretty much avoided any open displays of drama over the past few years. Are there "behind the scenes" comments and issues, of course. But it has never gotten in the way of successfully completing any project, activity or fundraiser. How do we do it???
Have a monthly reminder at your meetings (usually by the president but it can be by any member) that clearly states to everyone that any negative comments at the meeting or to the parents/teachers regarding the PTA or its members only hurts the group's chances of being successful. Just a little reminder definately make a big difference in the gossip level. If you do a newsletter or note home to parents, have the same "Reminder" in there. Then anyone who does get bogged down in the gossip mill may be reminded by someone else that it only hurts, it doesn't help.
Stay on task. If at any time in your meeting someone inserts or starts a conversation regarding a different issue, or gets into too much detail, steer them back to the current dialoge or cut them off (as diplomatically as possible). This avoids meetings that are too long and if anyone talks to long, they tend to say something they later regret. You can help them.
Just two things we do to keep the discourse to a minimum and stay steady on our course throughout the year. Not everyone likes everyone and some people drop the ball. Be human and nice, and keep your own comments upbeat and positive. Lead by example.
OMGosh I dealt with soooo much drama last year which has made me not do anything that involves the pto as long as the present board is in office. We have a president who has hands in way 2 many cookie jars and expects everyone to be a yes person to him. Once you speak your mind (as I did) you are blacklisted. I was told that I am not to have anything to do with PTO by a current board memeber. The attitude given and how they sneak about with the budget has turned many previous members off. I am not a member this year nor do I plan on being one anytime in the near future. All work done by me went un appreciated and for that, they will no longer get my time. For weeks I would think about what is being said about me around town. Finally I realized it is not worth my time and hold my head high.
I have yet to find a good way to squelch it... other then to face it directly, tell the "drama group" to put up or shut up (provide back up to the accusation/join the committee so they can do it their way or hush.) Not very pc and not always successful... amazing how many committees are still left with PLENTY of open spots as well!
