Not only do I have a difficult President who doesn't want to do anything and perceives me as a threat because I do, but a Principal who approved thousands of dollars of purchases without it going through the board and a Treasurer who allows it.

That along with a very outspoken and at times inappropriate vice president, and a co-president who looks like a deer in headlights - the Parents are truly getting the short end of the stick.

I just don't know what to do and am at a crossroads of either quitting, ignoring the negativity and plunging ahead or reporting the whole group to the Comptroller because of questionable financial practices.

OMG, I have the same problem with my vice. I'm ready to quit, I'm so bothered by this.

Thank you to all that have responded, all good points for a situation like this. In my particular situation I want to say that I do understand the stresses of a president's seat, not with this particular group but I have been there. That is no excuse for the constant criticism of every single person that reaches out a hand though. Donna, you are right, sometimes it's better to just sit back and let the "control freaks" have it. Several on last year's board (she was not Pres back then but did serve and with the same chip on her shoulder, her treatment of others has nothing to do with which office she is in) finally had enough of the situation and did just that, that's when she fell into having the office in the first place. As far as asking if I can help her, of course. That's what I'm there for. Let me give you an example of what she does though. She and I were heading a project together. Well, supposed to have been. We set hours up when we would be working and told parents and community volunteers these hours and had an open invitation for anyone that wanted to show up and help. Well, her being the one with the keys and security code to the school, didn't stick to the hours at all. She made up her own hours with no notice or conversation and when myself or others would show up, she just wouldn't be there. Or we'd show up and she'd inform us that she'd already been there for a few hours and was going to lock up and go home now. I approached her one on one about that in a very nice manner, and she continued to do it. THEN... she would go on and on about how no one helps her to anyone that will listen. You'd think the fact that things can not run smoothly that way would be common sense. I also wanted to say that I'm sure my original post did come across like I was ready to attack the woman. Not the case. I used one of these complaint fests to suggest we do some research on what other schools were doing to get and keep volunteers and the topic is on the agenda for the next meeting as a group discussion, not just me going on and on and finger pointing.

Thank you for posting your comment about your 'Pres with an attitude'. I'm the current pres and I tried to put myself in the position of the president you currently have. Although on some days as parenthood can be, it tends to be thankless, however the position offers you the ability to help AND to lead. What a profound opportunity in our children's lives!

On those days where I tend to receive more complaints than not, it is very difficult to always remain calm, always show patience and gratitude toward the person who has "taken the risk" and come forward. However it is imperative. This builds bridges or lines of communication that will pay dividends when you need your fellow parents for the betterment of your school community.

I suggest a one on one discussion. This will help your pres to not feel like she's being ganged up on, avoid feeling embarassed and maybe she'll see you as someone trying to help.

Good Luck!

Our PTA group is really productive and they try to include everyone, but there are always those that want total control and sometimes you just have to bow out gracefully and let them run the show. They complain sometimes of being overworked but they really deserve it since they tend to be control freaks. I know they all mean well but it is time to bow out and let them take full control of the show.

I read Tim's piece called "Stop the PTO Drama" and it really helped me to put some of the problems I was having with my own group into perspective.

Please try to be compassionate toward this president. You must try to put yourself in this president's shoes. I have served as secretary and I am now president. There is a vast difference in the amount of responsibility and stress involved between being a president and any other position on the executive board. I think many of us who become president go into the job thinking that we are the change needed to fix everything that's wrong, which of course we can't possibly do. What we don't realize is that we don't have the authority necessary to "make" anyone do anything they don't want to do, and most people who volunteer are strong minded, passionate individuals just like we are. Therefore, leading volunteers often is very frustrating and it feels like a no win situation much of the time - there is always someone who is criticizing what you are doing and how you're doing it, no matter how well you're doing. When people approach me with their criticism I try not to take it personally (the hardest but most important thing to do) and I try to find a way to get them involved. Being a good president is like being a parent - you have to know which battles to pick and which ones to let go of. As a good leader, you absolutely MUST allow people to take ownership of whatever it is they have been entrusted with. If they feel like they're being micromanaged, they will stop volunteering for you. People want and need leadership but being a good leader is so much harder than it appears to be and no one is a born leader, it takes time to learn. And, yes, it's easy to fall into the trap of complaining and expressing frustration inappropriately (we're all human) and apparently this president you're speaking of has succumbed to that temptation. Speaking from firsthand experience, that 's a cry for help. I myself am dead tired of people who just want to criticize but don't want to step in and help me out. Which brings me to my last point:

Be part of the solution, not part of the problem. You can't go in pointing fingers and criticizing this president, it WILL cause MORE problems. Last year I received a scathing (yes, it was very harsh and scathing) e-mail from a parent criticizing our group's handling of Teacher Appreciation Week. She had never been to one of our meetings, was a new parent in our school, and did not have any idea that our chair person had bailed out on us at the last minute leaving us to scramble for donations of food, etc, at the last minute. Long story short, she is now our Teacher Appreciation Week chair person and is doing a fabulous job. That's what is needed: help and understanding, not criticism and blame. Someone has to be the adult, and you can start the ball rolling in the right direction by taking the high road rather than focusing on this president's shortcomings. Good luck to you! We would all love to hear an update from you.