I grew up in a very Catholic community and can remember my parents going through very similar situation 15-20 years ago!!
What if you worked with Father as volunteers to help with his fundraising for the church and just let the Principal have her temper tanturm.? I do think though you need to talk to her but I would almost bring some back-up/witnesses with you. There is no reason for her to act or speak the way she did---to anyone! 'Wish List' that's a good one! I hope it's not the JCPenny Christmas catalog or Neiman Marcus!!! That list needs to be clarified into a 'can do' list and 'maybe' list.
Keep us posted and hey, thank you for staying....she is the one that going to look the worst when all is done......

Sounds like you have gotten one of those principals from Hell. My sympathies. Have you thought of just sitting down with her/him and your executive board and asking her/him? Explain that you sense that she/he is competing with the PTO and you hope that isn't so because you want to work together for the benefit of the kids. Use the example of the letter that was commandeered if there is denial from him/her about it. See what the explanation is, first. If you still don't get anywhere, I think you have to do your best to lobby the powers that be for this prinicpal's removal as she/he isn't interested in working together for the benefit of the children and education at your school.

Thanks so much for the advise. I have talked to my pastor and he is blaming himself for not making it a bit clearer to our principal. I do want to mention something else about our principal. I get the feeling that she feels like she is competing with us to look good. The first week of school I had written a letter to the families. It was kind of a pep talk kind of thing. Anyway, I left it in the pto mailbox at school. A week later my letter was in the principal's newletter with the principal's name at the bottom. I let it go because it was the first week of school. We wanted to do a gift wrapping fundraiser which historically has made $5,000.00 per year for the last four years. The principal said that we couldn't do it because it would interfere with the principal's magazine drive. The magazine drive last year made $5000.00 as well. We didn't do the gift wrapping and this year's magazine sales totalled $5400.00. Personally I think the principal did it because the principal wanted to show that the principal's fundraiser was a bigger success. Now that our fundraiser that has done so well in the past was shot down, the principal wants us to make it up! I am seriously considering stepping down from my position. Our principal has a problem with being honest and obviously supportive. We (the pto) stated in our mission statement at the beginning of the year that fundraising was not the primary objective of the pto. Our goal was to increase involvement and create a family type atmosphere. The principal's priorities are completely diffent and I am not will to just roll over and take it. Any suggestions?

Wow...be publically yelled at is way out of line. What I think you should do in your situation is call a meeting with your pastor and principal and find out exactly what is expected of your parent group. It is funny that your principal said that you have a finacial OBLIGATION to raise a certain amount of funds...if the families are concentrating on building the new church does he really think that in these shacky finacial times that they are going to be supporting more fundraisers? Just have to ask what is on her "Wish List"?? The principal needs to be reminded that you all are volunteers and that without the support of your group thier would be no extra money at all. And I would have to say something about the public temper tantrum directly to her...perhaps she was having a bad day, but she must be told straight up that you will not accept be publically chastised for any reason. If you lay it on the line now and be firm I don't think it will happen like that again. If you do not address the issue this scene will probably be repeated.

I am a PTO president and we had a general membership meeting recently. Before I get into anything else let me tell you that we have earned over 7,000 this year so far with only 200 students. We are all new board members. We are a private school that is also connected to a parish. Our parish is planning to build a new church and our pastor asked that we not do any "new" fundraising because he felt it would interfere with his efforts to receive funds for the new church. We of course agreed. Our principal, however is telling us a different story and wants more money! If we do not do just one of the planned events our pto will earn a little over $16,000.00 this year. Her wish list is $11,037.00. She yelled at us in front of teachers and parents saying "you have a financial obligation of $16,000.00" and "you must make up those funds". She attacked us all in public and the entire board is "fuming". Please give me some advice!