I would just explain that there has been a misunderstanding on both parts (so it doesnt seem like you are placing blame)

You know that was a great idea saying up front that you were new and didn't know how to handle what had happened. That sort of honesty just disarms folks and they realize that for all the mad, you all are working toward the same goal. Good for you....and this has been a great thread whether to offer tools or as a refresher for everyone...

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I have had issues with an upset volunteer, in fact this woman actually got very upset and walked off her volunteer "hours". It led to a heavy heart to me and I was new to the PTO. I did not know exactly what to do because I had actually agreed with her. We were using a new Santa Shop and the prices were rather high and not very much merchandise to choose from. We both were upset and I was just a body there at that time. I did not know exactly what I was doing...my fault totally.
I finally got to approach her a few months later, after I educated myself here, and did start off with an apology and told her I was so new I did not know how to handle what had happened. We ended up laughing about the whole situation and now talk on an almost dialy basis. She volunteers a lot and I am glad as she is a great asset!

Listen carefully and use calming statements like, "I'll bet that was frustrating." and "I can see how you would feel that way."

If the volunteer angers me with a particularly mean critique, I step away for 24 hours before responding.

I try to remember that if only 2 families are complaining, then the other 498 families are happy

Sometimes our principal will offer to meet with the parent. He is very calming and listens and repeats statements like above. Rarily does he need to take action, just makes the parent feel heard.

When explaining what happened or what went wrong, I use the word "volunteer" often. ie. "I'm sorry that there is an error in your directory listing, when the VOLUNTEERS enter the data this sometimes happen. We certainly regret any inconvenience this may cause."

You really need to have a thick skin. Chairman will call me and go "someone complained about this . . . it doesn't bother me but . . . " and spend 20 minutes venting about it. Well obviously it did bother them. Let it go.

Most of the time, a complaint stops with ME. I could call/email every other board member and stir up trouble/anger about the ungrateful parent, etc... but that doesn't help anything. If is a valid complaint, something we can improve upon, I pass it along. If someone is just venting random anger - I let it go.

We had a situation where one member was upset with a chair. The chair volunteered to run a family fun, then put all the work on her commitee, most of it on this one mom.

She was upset and felt the board should have stepped in when we knew things were falling apart. We really didn't know until she'd already stepped in and brought it back on track.

Rather than trash talk the chair, something you should never do, because if you'll trash one person the person you're talking to is thinking you'll trash talk her next, I said that we must not have made our expectations clear to the chair, and that I was sorry everything fell on her. I let her know that in the future she should come to us if something isn't right and we would make sure we stepped in. I thanked her, told her that she did a great job pulling it all together and expressed regret that she had to do so much herself.

Another time it wasn't so easy. A parent was upset about the state tests and how the teachers were spending so much time teaching to the test. We listened. We brought up her conserns, which we shared by other parents, during our meetings with the principals. We invited the superintendant to a meeting to speak about testing. He took questions, and this parent was very outspoken. Eventually the meeting was running way over and the president had to step in and shut it down.

The parent was upset that the meeting was shut down, but honestly, it could have gone on all night. Every question was asked and answered. They could have sat there and argued all night, it wouldn't have changed anything.

I felt we did our job. We allowed a place for the parents to express their concerns with the people who need to know there's an issue. Beyond that, it's the parents who want to be heard who need to go to the board of education meetings and speak, write letters, etc.

This parent is still mad that we didn't let him go on for hours with this debate at our meeting.

I did pull the wife aside and let her know where I thought she should go next. I offered for her to join several committees that deal with this sort of thing. Told her who to write to, when the next board meeting is, etc. She actually said "I thought you all were here so parents would have a voice."

If she only knew how much some of us do so that parents have a voice, like sitting on strategic planning committees, interview teams, the technology and library committees, etc. We too don't like "teaching to the test" but work to change that from within, and don't expect to show up and complain at a meeting and everything will be fixed.

Sigh.

During distribution at one of our fundraisers, I had a new volunteer helping with the distribution. The chair of the committee could not be there nor could I as President, since I work ful time, so 2 newbies were nice enough to offer their assistance, to do the distrbution.
The Chair had organized everything spoke with them on how it was going to go, had them report at a specific time, only to have the principle of the school decide he was going to change everything that was organized (not even knowing our plans) We have carried out the distribution the same way for the past 15 years. The principle has only been with us 3 years, and never before was involved in this.

I had gotten a call from the very upset chair that this was taking place and that these newbies were upset with her because a) she wasn't there to do the work and b) the time she told them and now what the principle was telling them were 2 different things.

When I phoned the school (I must say annoyed with the principle) the newbie volunteer had answered the phone and took my frustration with the principle as me being frustrated and annoyed with her and she became pissed at me. My frustration was that these women set aside the time that morning to do this job, and the chair spoke with the principle the day before and let him know everything, and he now wanted it done in the afternoon within a 1/2 hour of dismissal, and for these ladies to call every parent and come back in the afternoon to do it. Now we only call those parents of bus students who we feel will be unable to carry these items. It is crazy to call walkers when their parents are there to pick their children up at dismissal.

Later that evening I had found out this newbie volunteer was pissed at me big time. I felt terrible. I phoned her as soon as I heard to apologize, and she screamed at me. That how dare I speak to her in that manner. So I took and and then when she calmed down, I let her know that the 3 second conversation I had with her prior to speaking to the school secretary to let her know not to make these women do this uneccessary work was not directed at her, but I was upset that the principle felt that their time was not as valuble as staff members of the school. That they rescheduled their entire morning to be there, and were instructed by the chair on how it would run only for the principle to threw a wrench into the situation.

See we've been having some problems with our principle trying to run our organization. Yes I understand it is his school, but when we don't get any support from our teachers, or staff for that matter, and we take the time to organize things in advance. It would be nice for him to consult the people in charge with his demands prior to the day of the event.

So bottom line. After much explaining, and giving some back history on other instances and issues we are having she totally understood where I was coming from and realized that I wasn't speaking to her in any tone, it was just the pure frustration she was hearing.