Hello,
I need some advice on how to overcome my hurt feelings. Here is my story:
I am new to my area, and was completely unfamiliar with the school system when my son started kindergarten this past fall. I was frustrated by the sparse communication from the PTO, and was upset by how they handled a fundraising event. I felt like this group of people, whom I knew nothing about, was making decisions about what they could do with my son without my knowledge or consent. Since I knew they held meetings, I attended the first one I could.

As I sat through the meeting it became clear that everyone knew everyone else, except for me. At no time did anyone acknowledged my being a new-comer and they used language to talk about things that I would call “insider”. Meaning if you were a part of the group you would understand, and if not you wouldn’t. At the end of the meeting they asked if anyone had anything else to talk about. I introduced myself and explained that I was new to the area and school system. Then I proceeded to vent my frustration of feeling uninformed, and my disapproval of how the fundraiser was handled. I did this in a not so very calm manner. I acknowledged that I was going about it the wrong way, but I was very frustrated. I also said I wasn’t there to just complain, I wanted to help make communication with parents better so other parents didn’t feel the way I did.

I emailed the principal the next day and thanked him for listening to my concerns. He responded that he appreciated my input because it is sometimes hard for him to see if things are being communicated clearly. He said he knew there is always ways to improve, so it is important for him to listen to people’s concerns. He agreed to do something specific to rectify that.

Time went by, and he did not do what he said he would. I emailed him, and again expressed my concerns very clearly and stated that I wasn’t trying to place blame or point fingers, I just wanted to know if something could be done to change the way things were done. I got no acknowledgment or response to that email.

So I let it go for the time being. I decided to just get busy and see what I could do to help. I attended subsequent meetings. I suggested and got approval to help another parent start a PTO website. And I got approval to start producing a monthly newsletter. So, I have helped work on the website, I’ve produced a newsletter every month, and I’ve helped out with several events. I also got approval to produce a PTO handbook to tell parents who we (the PTO) are, and what we do.

I understand I started off horribly, but I have tried to prove in word and in deed that my intentions are good, and I am sorry for my behavior at the first meeting. I have on at least a couple of occasions at meetings apologized for my rude behavior at the first meeting.

My specific fundraising concerns had still not been acknowledged or addressed, so I sent another email to the principal and the co leaders of the PTO expressing my concerns and asking if we could sit down and talk about it. Again, no response.

I have felt their shunning all year at the meetings, and one of the co leaders has been curt with me every time I’ve talked with her on the phone. But she has been all smiles when I was physically with her helping with an event. The principal confirmed what I was feeling in my gut. While meeting with him yesterday, I came to understand that people have been holding a grudge all year long and have been intentionally ignoring my concerns. And beyond that, they have been badmouthing me behind my back. The principal said he and others were hurt and offended by what I said at the first meeting. I told him I understood that, and reminded him that I have apologized for that more than once, and that I have been working hard to show that my intentions are good. I asked why, if people still felt that way, no one had just come right out and said they were still hurt. He said he didn’t know. He said he knows he should have called me at some point and had me come to his office so we could talk about it, but he didn’t. I asked him “What is a person supposed to do with silence.” He said he didn’t know.

I am hurt beyond words. I am not crying any more, or at least not at the moment. I am wondering who all at the school I have been maligned to. The thought of my son’s teacher having such a distorted and bad impression of me based on a one-sided story is very disturbing. The principal and I have apologized to one another and want to get past this. He said he wants us all to do some mending at a future meeting. My feeling right now is, “Scr…. them all.” I will not go in to that meeting and apologize AGAIN. I feel I am owed a huge apology for such rude and disrespectful treatment. A part of me wants to give them all of my files and say forget it. But another part wants to stick it out because I feel what I do as far as communication with parents is important and needed.

Please give me some words that might help me deal with the hurt and anger I feel. I’m feeling really low and lost right now.