1. Casually mention to the principal that a group of 1st graders wants to twirl flaming batons in the talent show. That’s covered under the school’s insurance policy, right?

2. Tell the PE teacher that a local business has offered to donate 100 pogo sticks to the school. Can we use them for gym class?

3. Start a rumor that Ariana Grande is the mystery guest reader visiting today. (Pass out earplugs to teachers first!)

4. Remind the PTO president that she needs to wear the school mascot costume at the end-of-year field day event. (“It’s tradition; no one told you??”)

5. Generously offer the school librarian the complete set of 1967 encyclopedias that you got for a steal at a garage sale last weekend.

6. Place a sign at the start of the pickup and drop-off lines reading “No minivans!”