Agreed. Thread closed.

And if either of the two main characters want the thread to come down, just let me know. A web forum with thousands and thousands of readers is a bad place to have a one-to-one conversation.

Should have closed it earlier.

Tim

All I can say is "ditto". I've been watching this thread for a while too and trying to find a tactful way to suggest the same. No disrespect is meant but it's very true - it's time to turn to person to person communication with each other. Justa...obviously you've been on here frequently. Is there really any doubt that Bayshore has been tuning in as well? You two really need to meet with each other, alone or with a mediator of some sort (principal, another parent) to figure this all out. I have no doubt there is a solution that will appeal to all parties involved. However, that solution is not going to be found over the internet. It will only be found face to face.

I have been watching this thread for a while and now seem ready to reply. I think that Just a volunteer and Bayshore need to stop this thread and handle their issues in person, with a mediator. It disheartens me that we have two people who want to truly help their kids and school posting everything here for the world to see.
I wonder about the rest of your group/school volunteers and how they would react to have this negativity out here, this is truly truly sad. I would have a huge problem with this, I really would and I wonder what your principal or even district would say knowing this was happening so public? I am not saying hide it but you two are doing the he said she said game and really none of us can help you with your issue. We aren't there but i think you guys really need to quiet this down and work it out. This is NOT helping your school at all...the reputation is truly being tarnished!

With all of this wonderful input, back and forth conversations and new information, I'm wondering if there isn't a whole other dynamic at play here:

-First years as President and VP
-Taking the reigns of a "strong, united and very well managed" team
-Close scrutiny of a new, energetic but well intentioned volunteer

Perhaps a contributing factor to this 'problem' is insecurity and feelings of inadequacy on the officers' parts. Sometimes I think it's easier to take a failing group and improve on it than to take a successful group and maintain it.

I mean, if things are bad and you make it better, you're the big hero. But if things are great and you screw it up, everyone is mad at you.

I know my first year as president was terrifying. The previous president was the best ever, the group was loyal to him, the school loved him, he was born and raised in town and his kids were like the 3rd or 4th generation of his family to grow up there. And then I come along, brand new to town, don't know anybody or anything. I spent most of my first year just trying not to screw up and when I did, hoped nobody would notice. I worried that volunteers would fall off because they were there for him and wouldn't turn out for me. Or that they would constantly compare me to him. Seriously, the thing I feared most was that someone would say, "What's the matter with you? We handed a perfect team to you on a silver platter and all you had to do was not blow it and you couldn't even do that." I should've given everyone more credit than that. It didn't take long for me to get over myself and realize that they were loyal to the group and it's success and would support me as the leader to insure our continued success.

By the time I turned things over, the new president was nervous and said she was worried about filling my shoes because everyone loved me so much. I know the truth is that I was surrounded by great people who made my job a lot easier and who made me look good.

I agree with the posters who are asking you to give these ladies the benefit of the doubt, your support of their leadership and maybe easing off a bit on the ultra-tight scrutiny. You certainly should expect the basic sharing of information and financial disclosures. But if you come at it with the opinion that you're all a team and you're in this together then maybe they'll be more forthcoming too.

Thank you Goldenbearmom! You and GaMom have some very good points for me to consider.

You are so right in regards to the best interest of the kids... all of them deserve for us "grown ups" to "play nice" so they can have the best PTO that makes their education that much more rewarding!!!!

As I said in my reply to GaMom, I am going to do my very best to treat them as I wish they would treat me. Taking it one step at a time and see about rebuilding a few bridges that were destroyed in our "avalanch".

Keep the good advice coming. It helps to have an outsider's view on things. Thanks for helping me to see my own mistakes in this situation and how I can go about correcting them.

sincerely, justavolunteer

Dear GaMom:

How many years have you been in the PTO? Just curious. I appreciate your post. I have read it several times and have seriously taken the time to think about it.

I guess when I first read the posts from Bayshore, I became very defensive and frustrated because she had not even shared any of her thoughts and concerns with me "the crazy volunteer" and here she was telling her side of the story as if she had.... I have gone back through and reread every single post (there are quite a few!) on this topic and it has helped.

Yes, I can see how I could have stepped on her's and the vice president's toes with my "do everything I can" attitude. And i can see how the "snowball effect" took place after the first incident, and before we knew it we had our own little "avalanch" happening.

Honestly, I never intended for them to feel like I was out to take over or out to make them look bad. I simply wanted to do the job the vice president asked me to do, and I believe in giving 110% on anything I am responsible for... that's just me. I truly never even considered it might make them feel like I was doing too much.

With all the talk I had heard about how "no one ever volunteers" and "those who have volunteered never do what they are supposed to do".... I wanted to make sure I did what I volunteered to do, so I did not let them down. And I was having a blast doing it. It was fun helping out on the projects and even more fun when I discovered there were so many others who wanted to be a part of it all too.

The vice president told me countless times how "no one ever volunteers" and how they have to always do all the work, so I honestly thought she and the president would be relieved when I presented them with all the names and numbers of individuals and families who wanted to volunteer. I never considered they might think I was being pushy or trying to out do them. That was never my intention and it still isn't.

From what I have learned, the vice president has been with the PTO for 12 years, but this is her first time as vice president. The President has been with the PTO for four or five years, but this is her first time in the President position.

In regards to the PTO itself, the president and vice president have said the previous years have been awful... but when I have spoken to other parents and teachers (after all of this snowballed), I have heard the contrary. The parents and teachers have told me that the PTO last year (and for the past five years) was strong and united and very well managed in all respects. Since I am a newbie, I don't know.... it is all hearsay to me.

You are definitely right about the "honey" vs. "lemons", I am just worried at this point they might not even accept praise from me - without thinking I am up to something. But I will still try.

We are on spring break this week and I am looking forward to not worrying about the "soap opera" going on for the time being. I want to focus on having time with the kids to go to the park, the zoo, the museum, the Pizza Parlor, and such... this is the fun part of being home with them and I want to enjoy it. When the week ends and we head back to the school, I will make a very geniune effort to smile and say hello to both the ladies when I see them. And I will do whatever I can to treat them as I wish they would treat me...(my mom used to always tell me and my sisters this whenever we were fighting amongst ourselves... and it usually worked!). And the next time I have a question in regards to the PTO , I will do my best at making sure they understand it is about the PTO and not about them. Wish me luck and say a prayer or two. sincerely, justavolunteer